My First Talkie

I’m not in a typing mood, but I’m willing to talk! First update in over a month! Enjoy!

ps- watching this load on YouTube was HILARIOUS as it shows it frame by frame- I seriously make the weirdest faces EVER!

 

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Bridal Shower, Post-Freak-Out Update, and Dishwashers

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

I’m so glad it’s Friday. This week was relatively painless, which is nice. Plus, Boss is off today, so I can have a quite yet productive day at work, which is always enjoyable.

Tomorrow is my cousin’s bridal shower, and let’s just say that this family wedding is not without drama. The Cousin is the daughter of my mom’s sister (younger, annoying sister) and my mom is all in a tizzy over it.

Basically the “Cliff’s Notes” version is that my aunt has been planning the whole thing, and not doing a very good job of it. Little things are annoying my mom, mostly involving Gram (you remember Gram, right?). First, Aunt K was going to have Cousin’s shower at Gram’s house. Folks, I LIVED THERE. There should never be any kind of party at Gram’s house, let alone a shower.  There isn’t enough space, and the house is not in good condition (not bad condition, but the toilet could not support 25 people using in within 3 hours). My mom finally said something to my aunt, and the shower has been moved to a restaurant.

Now, the latest thing, is that Aunt K hasn’t made any arrangement’s for Gram at the wedding, meaning, Gram has no way to get there. She’s 80 now, and while (technically) capable of driving, doesn’t want to, nor should she have to. The wedding is down near AC, and that’s a good 2 hours from Gram’s house. My mom thinks it should be Aunt K’s responsibility to make arrangements for Gram to get to the wedding, and I’m kind of on her side on this one. There are a lot of options, and Aunt K just needs to pick one and follow through on it.

In other wedding news, we’re doing OK post-freak-out. Paul reserves the right to tease me about it for a month, and I won’t deny him that. I did, however, pull up a ring that I like last night to show him. I got anxious again, and it was actually a good time to share that the anxiety isn’t about him proposing but about me having to pick a ring. They are very different, and I think he understands. I also think he appreciates that I showed him. I also had dinner with LaLa last night, and tried on her right, and it’s a perfect fit at size 7. What did I pick? Something like this would be nice (thanks for the pic, Zales!):

Oooohhh, Shiny!

I also tried to briefly instruct him on the 4-C’s, and then wax poetic about the fact that it’s on sale, but he got distracted by manly things on TV. Eh, baby steps, right?

Finally, ugh, Paul’s dad has been (unsuccessfully) “fixing” our dishwasher for the past month. We used the one that was in the apartment once in the entire year we lived there, and it leaked all over the kitchen. Then, well, we just didn’t say anything because we don’t need a dishwasher to get clean dishes. Then, somehow, his dad realized we didn’t use it and went on a “fixing” spree. Apparently he spent about $200 in parts to “fix” the dishwasher, which I think is completely ridiculous and with that money he could have just bought a new one. But whatever.

Well, after REPLACING THE MOTOR on the last one, and it STILL LEAKING, he finally came to his senses and last night brought us a new(ish) dishwasher. Paul’s dad is a big fan of saving a buck, and, from what I can gather, bought this thing off of someone? I mean, it looks new, but I’ll bet anything that it doesn’t work. We can’t test it yet, because he needs a different connector to the drain pipe. Hopefully we’ll have a functional dishwasher by the weekend. I’m really excited, actually. But I will only use it once a week, so that my electric bill doesn’t sky-rocket.

That’s it for updates. Enjoy your weekend, and I promise to share stories of the shower next week!

I Am An Idiot.

Oy. And a little bit of Vey. Guys, if you looked up Bonehead in the dictionary, you’d see my face. BONE. HEAD. Ew, I feel squirmy just thinking about it.

Let me start at the beginning.

Yesterday Paul and I had one of our lovely, rare, days off together. We decided that we would go do some errands (I had to buy a couple of gifts- Dad’s birthday and Cousin’s Bridal Shower gift) and we wanted to go to the movies, which we could all accomplish in the same area.

We started off hitting up Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a Grill Daddy for my dad for his birthday. Lovely trip, if I must say. Then we headed over to the movie theater. We saw Bridesmaids, which, in hindsight, may have been part of the reason I freaked out. After the movie, we headed next door to the mall because I needed a few things.

It started off innocently enough: looking at BBQ’s in Sears, peaking in the Puppy Store, and grabbing a pair of white sandals to wear with a new dress. Then, the mayhem started to ensue.

Paul had made a comment about all the people at the mall when we were parking, so I can tell you right off the bat that my social anxiety was a little high. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like having to zig zag (more on that) through throngs of people. I don’t like having to maneuver to get from Point A to Point B. GO HOME, PEOPLE, AND LET ME SHOP.

Eh.

So as we were walking across the mall, we passed a Zales. I longingly glanced over at it (MISTAKE) and Paul asked if I wanted to go in and look. I replied, “no, no, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I was just looking.” He pushed the issue a little, actually, claiming he wanted just an idea of what I liked, and I agreed that we could go in and look on the way out. We headed over to Victoria’s Secret to pick up a gift card for my cousin who’s wedding shower is this Saturday, and then started back across the mall.

On a side note, I HATE Victoria’s Secret. Here’s why: A) Their stuff is wayyyy too expensive, B) They don’t make things for the girls with big boobs (i.e. me), C) every 13-year-old in the state of NJ has PINK across their butts, and I don’t want to be associated with that, and D) you can’t walk in and look without being harassed by a sales associate (take note, Bath&Body Works, I’m looking at you, too, on that one!). Our trip inside involved me screaming at Paul to run for his life like he was in the Battle of Normandy. Get in. Acquire the Target (gift card). Retreat for your lives!

So, after that lovely jaunt, I was already on high stress level. Have I mentioned that I really don’t do good in crowds like that?

Have I?

Ok, so he grabs my hand and we walk over to Zales. I know he felt my tension, because as we were walking in, he kept saying to me (I may have been protesting, I honestly can’t remember), “we’re just getting ideas”. And that was my mantra: We’re Just Looking for an Idea. I was literally, verbally, out-loud, saying that to myself as I navigated the shiny cases of MILLIONS OF DOLLARS of diamonds.

By the way, do diamonds look, I don’t know, extra shiny in the stores? It’s the lights in the cases, right? Because I felt so blinded I couldn’t even focus on the rings. Although, that could have been the anxiety.

So I was ok, starting to look for the affordable-yet-pretty ring section, when it happened: A Sales Associate Walked Over. KISS. OF. DEATH.

Me: We’re Just Looking for an Idea. We’re Just Looking for an Idea. We’re Just Looking for an Idea. (I’m saying this out loud, but mostly to myself.)

Sales Woman: Are we looking for ideas for an ENGAGEMENT?

Me: THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!!!

Sales Woman: It’s usually the man who says that….

She may have said more. I don’t know. I was halfway back through the mall at this point.

Yes, folks, in my infinite wisdom and maturity, I fled the Zales LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL. I mean, I didn’t stop to let Paul catch up. I bobbed and weaved and power-walked my little self clear across the mall. Where was I headed? The BBQ department of Sears. Because that is Man Land.

Ok, so here’s the explanation of the freak-out.

I’ve wanted to get engaged for a while now, any of you who remotely read this blog of follow me on Twitter know that. And I’ve not been lacking in the obvious hints department with Paul. He knows this. I actually bring it up a lot, but in a light-hearted way. You see, EVERYONE keeps saying, “don’t talk about it to him, it might freak him out if you’re too pushy” and that, folks, is exactly what was on my mind yesterday.

I really, honestly meant it when I said I didn’t want to go in because I didn’t want to pressure him. Why was it too much pressure? Because when she said “ENGAGEMENT” (in all caps. Seriously. The woman spoke IN CAPS!), it triggered the thought that this was going to be too much for him. If, say, I point to a ring and (God Forbid) try it on, this is going to freak him out.

So, naturally, I freaked out instead.

And, naturally, the place to go to freak out is the BBQ section of Sears. Man Land. No engagement ring talk in Man Land.

And let me tell you, this was not just me being dramatic. My heart was in my throat. My pulse was racing. My hands were shaking. I was on the brink of hyperventilating. I was not ok. It was also 1000 degrees in Sears, so I then fled to the outdoor flower department, where I subsequently burst into tears under the cover of ficus’. I was literally having a Panic/Anxiety Attack. Because now at this point, it was not just “Paul is going to freak out,” but “Paul is going to be so pissed at me” was added in.

And he was, though he’ll never admit that he was “pissed”. His only comments to me were, “Thanks for leaving me standing there like an idiot while you zig-zagged through the mall so fast I couldn’t even keep up with you” and, later, once we were in the car and I was trying to (badly) explain myself, “If something like this freaks you out, what’s going to happen when the pressure of a wedding is there? Are you going to be a run-away bride?” Which, frankly, was a valid concern. I don’t blame him for that one.

As I thought (and over-thought) about the whole things, I think I’ve found the roots behind all this:

  1. It was honestly about me reacting to how I thought he was going to react instead of me waiting to see how he reacted. I have a bad habit of that. I get myself all worked up Worst-Case-Scenario-ing everything to death and things like this happen.
  2. I don’t want to pick my ring. I think that subconsciously played into it. He asked why I could go into the store with my mom and look and be ok, but I couldn’t with him. Because it is different. There is WAY more pressure when I’m with him. What if he doesn’t like it.? What if I pick something that’s too expensive? It’s a lot to handle. And I’ve always said I don’t want to be one of those girls who picks her ring. I want him to pick something he thinks is beautiful. I think I felt like I was betraying myself if I went in there and pointed to one.
  3. I’m a freaking loon.

So we went home and I curled up in bed for a grand total of 3 minutes and then marched myself out into the living room, climbed on his lap, and told him it wasn’t about the ring, or the dress, or the party; it was about our family and us, and so let’s screw the ring and the whole thing and just pick a weekend this summer and hire a Justice of the Peace and get married in my parents backyard. Yup, I basically proposed.

He thought about it, and said that I was still getting a ring and that he has a date in mind and that if I want to do the backyard thing, he’s all game for that, but I’m still getting a ring.

And then I went to the grocery store.

I made lovely roasted potatoes last night, by the way.

That’s why I love him though. He puts up with my Crazy. It doesn’t come out that often, but when it does, it usually explodes like Old Faithful, and God Bless him for putting up with it, and still, apparently, loving me afterwards.

I think that when you find the person who puts up with your Crazy, and EVERYONE has some Crazy on one level or another, you’ve found your soul mate.

And you fight like hell to keep him with you forever.

And On That Note…

Paul has this little pile of gifts piled under his nightstand, and they are (I presume) my birthday presents.  They are all wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. God bless him, if there is perfectly good wrapping paper in the house, why not use it?

Anyway, the point of this it that there are three neatly wrapped items. I already know what one is (How I Met Your Mother season 3. He thought I didn’t have it. Nope, I lent it to LaLa and Freckles) but the other two are a mystery. However, they are exactly the size of a DVD/video game container.

Sigh.

I love him. And I love the effort he put into whatever he got. But I don’t want video games. I want to be his wife.

First of all, I don’t really play video games. So while the thought it nice, it’s kind of him projecting his interests onto me. (Like when my boss gave me a travel coffee mug for Christmas. I don’t drink coffee, bitch.) And I understand that he wants me to want to play video games, and am willing to play every once in a while, it’s not really want I want for my birthday.

And as far as DVDs, well, ok, again. Not really what I want. I never asked for any DVDs. So Lord only knows what they could be.

I don’t know what I’d want for my birthday other than a ring. I think that’s the problem. And, yes, I recognize that the ring isn’t just about buying it for me, it comes with a lot of other stuff, but I want it so badly, that I can’t think of anything else I’d want.

It’s not just the ring thing, either. My mom and I were in Target last weekend, and I saw a comforter I liked. My mom offered to buy it for us for my birthday, until she thought about it, then redacted the offer, because she said, “it’s not really for you”. I then spent about 20 awkward minutes in the store wandering around trying to think of something I wanted: and couldn’t.

I want painted walls. Not a present for me. I want a bedroom set. Not a present for me. And beyond that, because Paul and I went out the next day and bought a (different) new comforter with money from our change jar, I don’t really know what else I’d want.

Isn’t that sad? I cannot think of anything that I’d want for just me, not the house. I don’t want (non-engagement) jewelry; I don’t want clothes; I don’t want electronics; I don’t want books; I don’t want “experiences”. So what the heck do I want?

I was the same way at Christmas. What did I ask for? Tools, a pillow, and knives. I repeat: TOOLS, A PILLOW, AND KNIVES. How boring!

But the one thing I do want, what I can envision, and fantasize about receiving, is a shiny ring on my left hand. The kind that comes with the promise of a future, the commitment of a loved one, and the chance to plan a big party.

So I think that’s why I can’t think of anything else I want. Because I want what only Paul can get me. In his own time. When he’s good and ready.

Arg.

Wedding Fever

Ok, I’ll admit it. I have Wedding Fever! Paul and I have been together for a year and a quarter, and I mean, we LIVE together, so I really don’t understand what the hold up is. I KNOW, I could propose to him, but I also KNOW he wants to do the asking, so that’s out of the question.

But with that said, I do want to write about all the fun things I KNOW I want at my wedding. Now, a lot of these things are nontraditional, but I’m kind of an nontraditional kind of girl!

  • Colors: Pink and Green. Hands down. Look at this adorable garter I found on Etsy:

    LOVE IT!

  • With that said, I want the Bridesmaids dresses to be pink. But I don’t care if the pinks match, if the styles match, or anything like that. I’m literally going to say to my girls: go find yourself a pink dress.
  • Cake: I want a Cannoli cake. Mmmmm… Cannoli filling….
  • Dress: Something lacy-ish. I have to be careful with my Nungas that they are supported, but something like this from Bride-Love would do the trick:

    Being that skinny wouldn't hurt, either...

  • Father/Daughter Dance: Scratch that. I love my Dad and all, but as I’ve mentioned, my family does this whole dance tradition thing. So for that dance, I want it to be with my Dad, Mom, and Sister to Good Thing by Fine Young Cannibals:

Those are really my major Have-to-Have’s. I’m sure as the actually planning comes around, I might change my mind and/or add to the list. But these are definitely things I’ve wanted for a while and can picture when I close my eyes and see myself marrying Paul!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And in fun news, my boss will be out tomorrow! Yay, Freedom!

Happy Monday, Peeps!

Wedding Thoughts

I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts lately about wedding, marriage, and children. And I won’t lie: the clock is-a tickin’!

I don’t necessary feel pressure to be married by a particular age, or because almost everyone else in my social circle is. I want to get married because it feel like the right time to make this next step.

Achoo and I are in our late 20’s, and have been together for over a year. We live together. It just feels like the time is right.

Now, when I say this, I say it because I don’t want to rush it. Does that make sense? I want to have time to plan. So, for example, if we were to get engaged in, say, September, I’d plan a late May 2012 wedding. (Actually, I looked it up: May 26th is my dad’s birthday, and that happens to fall on a Saturday in 2012. Despite my weird relationship with my father, I think that would be a pretty cool day to get married!)

I give this time line for the following reasons: I want a family, but I want to just be married for a few years before I have babies. So with the time line I just mentioned, I’d be 29 when I got married. And I think that 31 is a great time to have your first baby, my mom was 30 when she had me.

Achoo and I have discussed it. I know we will get engaged, I just want to know when (figuratively, like a ballpark time, not the exact date).

And yes, part of it is so that I can have a party and a pretty white dress. But it’s more about pledging our commitment to each other, about combining our lives financially, and about being able to say my husband.

I know he’ll ask me when he’s ready. I know that his hold-up is part “making sure this living thing is working out” (so far, so good!), and part “I need a better job so I can buy her a big ring,” although I’ve told him again and again that a big ring doesn’t matter to me. With all seriousness, Achoo could give me the ring out of a Cracker Jack box, and I’d say yes. It’s about the commitment, not the size of the rock.

Now, there is a part of me that wants to argue: “if you want it so badly, ask him“. Which, ok, I’ve actually thought of doing. I was very tempted to roll over the other night while we were watching TV in bed and say “let’s get married!”. But I know him. He’s more traditional than that. And I think he really wants to be the one to do the asking.

So, ultimately, I know it will happen when it’s meant to happen. Hell, for all I know, Achoo could propose to me tonight (he won’t).

But you better believe I already have 9/10 of the day planned out in my head! But I won’t tell those plans until they actually start being planned!

Ok, enough about that for today. Sigh. Someday…