The One Where I Remember I Have a Blog

Yep.

So basically, In the past 8 months since I’ve written, I’ve gotten a new job (that I love!) at the same school, have been planning my wedding, and have gained and lost odd amounts of weight that equal to me being probably 15 lbs heavier than the last time I posted. Yikes.

Our wedding is only 40 days away! I’m right on track with all the planning, and basically the only things left to do right now are the little details: putting together the favors (which involve salt water Taffy, so I really can’t do this until the week of the wedding, finalizing the seating chart (again, have to wait for all the RSVPs to come back), picking up my dress (which I did have to have taken in, so that’s a plus), and finalizing my hair and make-up. I have a trial on May 12th and I honestly don’t know how I’m going to wear it. I know I’m not wearing a veil and that I want it down-ish with a silk flower in it, but that’s as far as I’ve really gotten. I tried to mock up how I’d want my hair to look, something like this:ImageWe’ll see. Also, my chesticle area looks HUGE in this picture (because they are). My boobs are so big that I really look like I have a freakish shrunken head sometimes. Le sigh.

Of course, now that the wedding is a little over a month away, and being Mrs. Z is in sight, I have a new personal obsession: Babies. Oh dear Lord, I want a baby, like, yesterday. LaLa’s son Peanut is by far the most adorable little man I’ve ever met, and if I could have one of him tomorrow, I’d be blissfully happy. What I run into, of course, is that we’re not even married yet, so Paul and I clearly are not ready AS A COUPLE to have a baby. But I am, oh I am.

I mean, realistically, I’ll be 30 in February. I’d like to have our first baby while I’m still 30 or 31, so that I can have baby #2 around 33/34. I really have hesitations about babies after 34. I’m not so sure Paul get’s that, that there is really a time frame for me to safely have babies, but he’ll have to figure it out. I’m thinking if we start trying around March of next year, we’ll have a good year and a half of being married before the baby comes (hopefully). But who knows, I may throw that out the window and this time next year may not have even started trying yet. Whatever will be will be.

In work news, I was offered a new job back in September and made the switch over to our Enrollment Management division in October. I got a nice $4000 increase in salary plus normal working hours and a boss who respects me and I couldn’t be happier. I’m really allowed to be creative and independent and make decisions about the work that I’m doing. Plus, I work with some amazing people and the past 6 months have been great. I do a lot of large-scale event planning and I work with our Social Media, both of which I find interesting and challenging. I still see the old boss every now and then, and have to work with her on certain projects, but I definitely love that I don’t have to see her every day. My stress level is significantly lower now.

Finally, I’m still pleasantly plump. I went on a Weight Watchers kick in January/February and lost 10 pounds (granted I gained 30 since I got engaged) and have been waffling ever since. My addiction is definitely food, and it’s very hard to change my habits. But I’m trying. As I type I’m lightly snacking on hummus. And drinking a lot of water. Plus, I need to get my booty on the floor and do pilates. My core needs to be toned.

I’m not going to make any promises of posting, I’m simply going to say, “see you when I see you” and try to make an effort.

40 days! Woo!

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And Then There Was None

I haven’t written in two weeks, but that’s because it’s been a crazy two weeks to say the least. If you follow me on Twitter, then you’ll know what this is about.

Tucker went back to his foster mom today.

He was a wonderful dog, and we fell in love with him instantly, but, unfortunately, he had a prey drive, and was taking it out on Jersey.

After the first night, and the first snip, I thought he was just adjusting to her.

After the first attack, I thought maybe I was mistaking play for fighting.

After the second attack, I started to have doubts.

After the (thankfully only attempted, as I had him on a leash) third attack, all within 2 weeks, Paul and I made the toughest decision of our lives, and decided to return him to the rescue group.

I’ve been crying all week, so today, when it was actually time to bring him back, I was much more composed that I thought I’d be. And actually, I probably wouldn’t have cried at all; I was at peace with the decision, except for the fact that Paul was crying when I got in the car.

Stoic boyfriend crying never helps.

We will heal. Jersey will prosper. Tucker will find a new home.

But there will always be a tiny, Boston Terrier sized hole in our hearts.

Bye, Little Buddy, Mommy will miss you...

Welcome Home, Tucker

He’s had a busy afternoon, full of car rides and PetSmart and new smells, but Tucker is home with us and a full-fledged member of our family and we couldn’t be happier! Welcome Home, Tuckleberry Finn!

I made myself right at home on the couch

I met my sister, Jersey. She's a little scared of me, but I don't mind her. Mom and Dad are keeping their eyes on us.

Happiness is a warm couch and a family that loves me!

Shipping Up To Boston

Can we Puh-Leeze discuss this face?

SMUSHFACE

We are madly in love with him, and we’ve only known him for a day. His name is Tucker, he’s 6, he weighs about 15lbs, he’s mellow but not lethargic, and we LURVE him.

We got the call on Sunday night that the adoption group we’re working with had a possible match, and we made arrangements to meet him today. The actual foster mom wasn’t there (she runs a doggie day care, and had to step out, so her employees introduced us to Tucker) so we are going to call her tomorrow and find out what the next step is to get him.

Isn’t he ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE?!?!?!

Paul and I are both incredibly excited. And, we think we did a smart thing. I brought a sock with me and rubbed it all over Tucker before we left, and then when I got home just threw it on the living room floor and left it there for Jersey to sniff and get used to. She’s been sniffing it a bit and hopefully it will help her be used to Tuck’s scent when, yes I’m saying when in an optimistic way, he comes home.

Yay!

Bridal Shower, Post-Freak-Out Update, and Dishwashers

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

I’m so glad it’s Friday. This week was relatively painless, which is nice. Plus, Boss is off today, so I can have a quite yet productive day at work, which is always enjoyable.

Tomorrow is my cousin’s bridal shower, and let’s just say that this family wedding is not without drama. The Cousin is the daughter of my mom’s sister (younger, annoying sister) and my mom is all in a tizzy over it.

Basically the “Cliff’s Notes” version is that my aunt has been planning the whole thing, and not doing a very good job of it. Little things are annoying my mom, mostly involving Gram (you remember Gram, right?). First, Aunt K was going to have Cousin’s shower at Gram’s house. Folks, I LIVED THERE. There should never be any kind of party at Gram’s house, let alone a shower.  There isn’t enough space, and the house is not in good condition (not bad condition, but the toilet could not support 25 people using in within 3 hours). My mom finally said something to my aunt, and the shower has been moved to a restaurant.

Now, the latest thing, is that Aunt K hasn’t made any arrangement’s for Gram at the wedding, meaning, Gram has no way to get there. She’s 80 now, and while (technically) capable of driving, doesn’t want to, nor should she have to. The wedding is down near AC, and that’s a good 2 hours from Gram’s house. My mom thinks it should be Aunt K’s responsibility to make arrangements for Gram to get to the wedding, and I’m kind of on her side on this one. There are a lot of options, and Aunt K just needs to pick one and follow through on it.

In other wedding news, we’re doing OK post-freak-out. Paul reserves the right to tease me about it for a month, and I won’t deny him that. I did, however, pull up a ring that I like last night to show him. I got anxious again, and it was actually a good time to share that the anxiety isn’t about him proposing but about me having to pick a ring. They are very different, and I think he understands. I also think he appreciates that I showed him. I also had dinner with LaLa last night, and tried on her right, and it’s a perfect fit at size 7. What did I pick? Something like this would be nice (thanks for the pic, Zales!):

Oooohhh, Shiny!

I also tried to briefly instruct him on the 4-C’s, and then wax poetic about the fact that it’s on sale, but he got distracted by manly things on TV. Eh, baby steps, right?

Finally, ugh, Paul’s dad has been (unsuccessfully) “fixing” our dishwasher for the past month. We used the one that was in the apartment once in the entire year we lived there, and it leaked all over the kitchen. Then, well, we just didn’t say anything because we don’t need a dishwasher to get clean dishes. Then, somehow, his dad realized we didn’t use it and went on a “fixing” spree. Apparently he spent about $200 in parts to “fix” the dishwasher, which I think is completely ridiculous and with that money he could have just bought a new one. But whatever.

Well, after REPLACING THE MOTOR on the last one, and it STILL LEAKING, he finally came to his senses and last night brought us a new(ish) dishwasher. Paul’s dad is a big fan of saving a buck, and, from what I can gather, bought this thing off of someone? I mean, it looks new, but I’ll bet anything that it doesn’t work. We can’t test it yet, because he needs a different connector to the drain pipe. Hopefully we’ll have a functional dishwasher by the weekend. I’m really excited, actually. But I will only use it once a week, so that my electric bill doesn’t sky-rocket.

That’s it for updates. Enjoy your weekend, and I promise to share stories of the shower next week!

I Am An Idiot.

Oy. And a little bit of Vey. Guys, if you looked up Bonehead in the dictionary, you’d see my face. BONE. HEAD. Ew, I feel squirmy just thinking about it.

Let me start at the beginning.

Yesterday Paul and I had one of our lovely, rare, days off together. We decided that we would go do some errands (I had to buy a couple of gifts- Dad’s birthday and Cousin’s Bridal Shower gift) and we wanted to go to the movies, which we could all accomplish in the same area.

We started off hitting up Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a Grill Daddy for my dad for his birthday. Lovely trip, if I must say. Then we headed over to the movie theater. We saw Bridesmaids, which, in hindsight, may have been part of the reason I freaked out. After the movie, we headed next door to the mall because I needed a few things.

It started off innocently enough: looking at BBQ’s in Sears, peaking in the Puppy Store, and grabbing a pair of white sandals to wear with a new dress. Then, the mayhem started to ensue.

Paul had made a comment about all the people at the mall when we were parking, so I can tell you right off the bat that my social anxiety was a little high. I don’t like crowds. I don’t like having to zig zag (more on that) through throngs of people. I don’t like having to maneuver to get from Point A to Point B. GO HOME, PEOPLE, AND LET ME SHOP.

Eh.

So as we were walking across the mall, we passed a Zales. I longingly glanced over at it (MISTAKE) and Paul asked if I wanted to go in and look. I replied, “no, no, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I was just looking.” He pushed the issue a little, actually, claiming he wanted just an idea of what I liked, and I agreed that we could go in and look on the way out. We headed over to Victoria’s Secret to pick up a gift card for my cousin who’s wedding shower is this Saturday, and then started back across the mall.

On a side note, I HATE Victoria’s Secret. Here’s why: A) Their stuff is wayyyy too expensive, B) They don’t make things for the girls with big boobs (i.e. me), C) every 13-year-old in the state of NJ has PINK across their butts, and I don’t want to be associated with that, and D) you can’t walk in and look without being harassed by a sales associate (take note, Bath&Body Works, I’m looking at you, too, on that one!). Our trip inside involved me screaming at Paul to run for his life like he was in the Battle of Normandy. Get in. Acquire the Target (gift card). Retreat for your lives!

So, after that lovely jaunt, I was already on high stress level. Have I mentioned that I really don’t do good in crowds like that?

Have I?

Ok, so he grabs my hand and we walk over to Zales. I know he felt my tension, because as we were walking in, he kept saying to me (I may have been protesting, I honestly can’t remember), “we’re just getting ideas”. And that was my mantra: We’re Just Looking for an Idea. I was literally, verbally, out-loud, saying that to myself as I navigated the shiny cases of MILLIONS OF DOLLARS of diamonds.

By the way, do diamonds look, I don’t know, extra shiny in the stores? It’s the lights in the cases, right? Because I felt so blinded I couldn’t even focus on the rings. Although, that could have been the anxiety.

So I was ok, starting to look for the affordable-yet-pretty ring section, when it happened: A Sales Associate Walked Over. KISS. OF. DEATH.

Me: We’re Just Looking for an Idea. We’re Just Looking for an Idea. We’re Just Looking for an Idea. (I’m saying this out loud, but mostly to myself.)

Sales Woman: Are we looking for ideas for an ENGAGEMENT?

Me: THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!!!

Sales Woman: It’s usually the man who says that….

She may have said more. I don’t know. I was halfway back through the mall at this point.

Yes, folks, in my infinite wisdom and maturity, I fled the Zales LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL. I mean, I didn’t stop to let Paul catch up. I bobbed and weaved and power-walked my little self clear across the mall. Where was I headed? The BBQ department of Sears. Because that is Man Land.

Ok, so here’s the explanation of the freak-out.

I’ve wanted to get engaged for a while now, any of you who remotely read this blog of follow me on Twitter know that. And I’ve not been lacking in the obvious hints department with Paul. He knows this. I actually bring it up a lot, but in a light-hearted way. You see, EVERYONE keeps saying, “don’t talk about it to him, it might freak him out if you’re too pushy” and that, folks, is exactly what was on my mind yesterday.

I really, honestly meant it when I said I didn’t want to go in because I didn’t want to pressure him. Why was it too much pressure? Because when she said “ENGAGEMENT” (in all caps. Seriously. The woman spoke IN CAPS!), it triggered the thought that this was going to be too much for him. If, say, I point to a ring and (God Forbid) try it on, this is going to freak him out.

So, naturally, I freaked out instead.

And, naturally, the place to go to freak out is the BBQ section of Sears. Man Land. No engagement ring talk in Man Land.

And let me tell you, this was not just me being dramatic. My heart was in my throat. My pulse was racing. My hands were shaking. I was on the brink of hyperventilating. I was not ok. It was also 1000 degrees in Sears, so I then fled to the outdoor flower department, where I subsequently burst into tears under the cover of ficus’. I was literally having a Panic/Anxiety Attack. Because now at this point, it was not just “Paul is going to freak out,” but “Paul is going to be so pissed at me” was added in.

And he was, though he’ll never admit that he was “pissed”. His only comments to me were, “Thanks for leaving me standing there like an idiot while you zig-zagged through the mall so fast I couldn’t even keep up with you” and, later, once we were in the car and I was trying to (badly) explain myself, “If something like this freaks you out, what’s going to happen when the pressure of a wedding is there? Are you going to be a run-away bride?” Which, frankly, was a valid concern. I don’t blame him for that one.

As I thought (and over-thought) about the whole things, I think I’ve found the roots behind all this:

  1. It was honestly about me reacting to how I thought he was going to react instead of me waiting to see how he reacted. I have a bad habit of that. I get myself all worked up Worst-Case-Scenario-ing everything to death and things like this happen.
  2. I don’t want to pick my ring. I think that subconsciously played into it. He asked why I could go into the store with my mom and look and be ok, but I couldn’t with him. Because it is different. There is WAY more pressure when I’m with him. What if he doesn’t like it.? What if I pick something that’s too expensive? It’s a lot to handle. And I’ve always said I don’t want to be one of those girls who picks her ring. I want him to pick something he thinks is beautiful. I think I felt like I was betraying myself if I went in there and pointed to one.
  3. I’m a freaking loon.

So we went home and I curled up in bed for a grand total of 3 minutes and then marched myself out into the living room, climbed on his lap, and told him it wasn’t about the ring, or the dress, or the party; it was about our family and us, and so let’s screw the ring and the whole thing and just pick a weekend this summer and hire a Justice of the Peace and get married in my parents backyard. Yup, I basically proposed.

He thought about it, and said that I was still getting a ring and that he has a date in mind and that if I want to do the backyard thing, he’s all game for that, but I’m still getting a ring.

And then I went to the grocery store.

I made lovely roasted potatoes last night, by the way.

That’s why I love him though. He puts up with my Crazy. It doesn’t come out that often, but when it does, it usually explodes like Old Faithful, and God Bless him for putting up with it, and still, apparently, loving me afterwards.

I think that when you find the person who puts up with your Crazy, and EVERYONE has some Crazy on one level or another, you’ve found your soul mate.

And you fight like hell to keep him with you forever.

Summer Reading List

Eh… Um… if you follow me on Twitter (please do!) then you know I had a bit of a panic attack today regarding getting engaged. I’ll give you guys more details of that tomorrow, I’m not really in the mood to write about it right now.

So, since my school year is pretty much over and I go back to working normal-human hours this week, I thought I’d share with you one of my summer goals: reading. I’ve never made a book list before, but I figure this is a good time to do it. I have from now until the last week in August to have free time in the evenings to read, so I figure I can get 10-15 books in over the next few months, if not more. I know that’s not a lofty goal, but I think it’s a reasonable one. My list consists of books I’ve had on my shelves for a few months that I’ve never gotten to, as well as some classics I’ve never read, and new one’s I’m interested in reading. My list consists of both traditional books as well as books on my Nook. I recently received a $40 Barnes and Noble gift card, and that’s going to go far in funding this summer project.

And so, without further ado, my summer reading list (in no particular order):

  1. Interview With a Vampire– Ann Rice
  2. The Gatecrasher- Madeleine Wickham
  3. The Bronze Horseman- Paullina Simons
  4. Mercy- Jodi Picoult
  5. Change of Heart– Jodi Picoult
  6. Keeping Faith– Jodi Picoult
  7. House Rules– Jodi Picoult
  8. Mini Shopaholic- Sophie Kinsella
  9. Water for Elephants- Sara Gruen
  10. The Queen’s Fool- Philippa Gregory

I’ll stop at 10 books, but if I can get through all of these with time to spare, then I’ll add some more on. I never proclaimed that they were particularly deep books, but they should be good for some entertaining reading. I’ll keep you posted on how I’m doing!